Conflict = Con + Afflict
Con (collaboration) + Afflict (harm) = Conflict
Conflict is a perfect collaboration between people to harm each other.
The Big Idea
Very quickly within a conflict, a history (minefield) gets established. This interferes with our goals within a conflict. Soon enough it is not about resolving the core, it is about safeguarding our positions. This structure creates a viscous cycle and a circular trap.
Spotlight
Here is a framework for understanding the nature of conflicts.
The Concept of Situational Deficiency
At the root of it, every conflict is a situational deficiency, i.e. your outcome was deficient to your expectations. Once this sets in, together people find ways to be further deficient towards other sides situations. It becomes a cycle that entraps the conflicting sides into a stuck battle that no one is winning.
Baggage
The deficiencies over a period of time afflicted on each other converts in to emotional and physical baggage where people carry resentment and mistrust.
Relevance
People within the conflict want to win or at least not lose. They don't want to experience more deficient outcomes, and there own sense of relevance guides this behaviour. THis becomes a dominant position in itself.
Historical Minefield
This establishes the historical minefield, the zone of explosion, which no one wants to enter, leave alone resolve.
Structure
The structure in which the individual or entity operates, for example the family or company, or business, imbibes and internalises the conflict and it becomes structural issue. That is it becomes a family conflict, or a business conflict. It goes beyond the individual.
Goals
The structure and our sense of protecting our relevance further solidifies our goals and enhances rigid positions that we must not compromise upon. It becomes widespread to a system.
Clinging to Security and Power
The structure also gives a sense of security and power that individuals cling on to.
Positions
The whole system reaffirms the positions taken and feeds back to the circular trap by reinforcing history or goals or structure.
Action
The action for resolution needs to address eight issues. Oftentimes people who are a part may not be able to do this by themselves, and will need a partner to do it for them. Sadly, very few have the skills to pull it off.
Stress, Trust, Relationships: Historical minefield has caused stress, affected trust and eroded relational capital. Therefore to resolve the conflict will need an entity that can replace all of this, usually a third person.
Time, Openness, Rewards: The structure usually over a period of time has picked up reactive and detrimental goals. The mediator or influencers will need to spend time in creating openness to solutions and create and make people aware of rewards therein. People are usually guided here by avoidance of pain. Someone will need to knock in better sense.
Complexities, Importance: Positioning over a period of time becomes complex. This can be simplified with a viable solution. The influencer or mediator must have this in place !! But before that address the eight factors by stressing upon the importance of a resolution.
Final Tip
99.99% of conflicts can be resolved with a creative solution that is a win-win, but it needs a specialist to do so. The problem is that people within a conflict have almost fallen in love with mistrust and so they begin mistrusting the fact that there can be a solution.
Result = Stay Miserable.
Unleash Brilliance,
Chetan Walia
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