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Take A Leap Of Faith

Chetan Walia — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 20:00:19 GMT

There are many times in life that we reach a chasm. We find ourselves at the edge. The edge separates itself from the other side with a gap. We know we want to be on the other side. We can see it. The other side is a picture. A picture of hope coloured majestically by an artist. The artist that resides in our mind. What does this other side represent for you? What dreams are these? What pictures are these?

Are these better health, wealth, career, life, relations...? Whatever it is, just keep them in mind for a moment and stay with me.

So we come to the edge. The distance between our ledge and the ledge on the other side is within our capabilities, yet we don’t jump. We could if we committed, get on to other side without falling into the gap. We really could, may be a little bruised but definitely could. Yet, we stand here frozen.

Most of us do not take the leap. We back away. We let fears and doubts get the better of us. After all, the edge and the road behind the edge is known, its comfortable. The other side is a marvelous dream, yet to get there, a road doesn’t exist. It will have to be a leap. The leap would mean the known road will be gone too. And so in our mind we dream, aspire, create pictures, even boast about what we can be and will be, yet when the time comes, the leap doesn’t.

I feel sad. It is sad because its not that we cant do this, its just that we wont. What are we avoiding?

A bruise that may take a couple of months to heal!

Some temporary pain.

Some temporary uprooting.

Some temporary set back.

Some society BS.

Backing away from the edge and going back to the known side, feeling like a failure, isn’t bad at all. This is really how success is created. I am very confident that when you do go back, every time that you do, you realise sooner or late that you don’t want to live on this side of the chasm.

In my coaching interactions with people when I talk about this, I have come to understand a few things that represent this side of the chasm. You’ll have a story too about it.

Here a few things that people return to, at this side of the chasm:

a nice (or not so nice) comfortable job (couldn’t leap for reasons a plenty),

self pity and cribbing to everyone on how someone else treated you (couldn’t leap to face a little loneliness),

status-quo health coz its too painful to try (couldn’t keep leaping everyday),

same unfulfilling relationship (couldn’t leap to face society),

addictions - alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex, shopping (couldn’t leap over the stupid chatter of the mind)

There are plenty but this covers most of us. Yes we come back to the known road, knowing that the leap is doable. The more times we come back, the more we realise that we don’t like it here. That part is good because you will probably back up, take a running start and hopefully run to the edge again and this time leap over. I would love to see you do that. Though each time we go to the edge and return unharmed into the comfort of this side something else happens too. It increases self-doubt, reduces self-esteem and makes the gap bigger that it is. It becomes bigger on every return, not in reality though certainly in yours.

Backing up is natural. Don’t be afraid. Failure is normal. No one succeeds first attempt. So many joys of parenthood would be taken away if children started succeeding at everything on first attempt. So failure is just natural. Its meant to happen. BUT by nature it happens so you can enjoy the success, not so that you can drown in it and give up! By accepting failure and not attempting another leap, you are really defying nature.

Without failure there is no success. None that you will value anyway. So don’t worry about the times you backed up, and again and again. Don’t worry about those failures. They are bound to be there and its built in nature. Nothing you can do about it. Try again. I mean imagine if your parents accepted your failed attempts to walk as permanent failure and backed up!!!

Backing up is fine my friend, back up, develop unease again with this side, take a run up and go leap over. Begin to recognize when you back up and commit then to getting on the other side. Awareness is the beginning to all change.

Run towards the edge. When you do, one of three things will happen.

For some, fear and doubt will take over and they will stop again well short of the edge and return.

For some, they will get really close to the edge and then begin to doubt the other end, is it really that beautiful....? They’ll try to peep over, get a glimpse. They wouldn’t jump whole heartedly because they lack belief in the pictures their mind created. They wont give it their all. They will fall into the worst circumstances. They will fall in the gap.

For some, they will commit. They will believe. MOST IMPORTANTLY they will let go of this side. They will take the leap of faith and make it to the other side.

The more you fear the gap, the more you resist the leap, the bigger the gap becomes in your mind. Just in your mind. The size of the gap in reality, doesn’t change for all of life to come. It remains the same. Only your fears, inhibitions and doubts control it.

Come to the edge. Take a leap of faith. Its in the leap that you experience freedom. Its when you break free and are suspended in the air, for that moment, the time gets suspended too. For that moment you feel that you are living and not merely existing on this side. In that moment you have left the past and let go. In that moment you are clear of everything that was holding you back. In that moment, my friend, life changes. In that moment you connect,perhaps for the first time, to you.

The leap gets you to the other side. In reality I know the leap isn’t just a moment. But hey!!! It IS. It is a series of these moments. And that is incredible because each time you are in the moment, your are fully aware of everything that goes on and you are fully alive. It is in these moments that you get to the other side and it is in these moments that you realise what your mind painted, was not even half as pretty as it really, truly is.

Your purpose, my purpose, life’s purpose is to move forward. Purpose is not to avoid the leap and find comfort in a routine. Purpose is not TV, Internet, Booze, Smokes, Drugs, Sex, Shopping. Purpose is not escape. Purpose is creating more, living more, leaping more, living more. Purpose is to live, purpose is not to merely exist. Purpose is to feel alive, purpose is not to feel frustrated. Purpose is to leap on to the other side and live. Purpose is not to get stuck on this side coz here the life will pass you by. On the other side you are the life.

Take a leap of faith my friend. not in me, not in anyone. Take a leap of faith in you. Leave the side. Leave the edge. Don’t hold on to anything. Leave the past. AND LEAP on.

Don’t fear falling back. It just gets you ready again. Ready with a head up, start up so you can run again. This time run, run with faith and take that leap, the leap of faith.

yours,

Chetan

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How To Select A Coach?

Chetan Walia — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 12:41:29 GMT

How To Select A Coach?

Owing to a few recent experiences, a few interactions with people and a few questions asked at a recent forum for coaches, I write this as a quick checklist for those who work with coaches or plan to do so.

Selecting a coach is not a difficult job. It’s an important job. Selecting the ‘right’ coach is a critical job. Just a few questions you need to go through to get it right!

Fellow coaches might not like this too much..

Why do you need a coach?

The first obvious question to ask yourself is why do you need a coach? What are your end objectives? What do you want to achieve?

It’s important to know this before you venture out in selecting a coach to meet those needs.

Most people approached by their Human Resources Heads, give replies like:

I don’t need a coach

Why do I need a coach?

How can a coach help me? I know more about this business than a coach!

It’s not for me. I have attended so many sessions...

If you happen to be one of these people, you already have your reason to get a coach. The reason is that you are in complete denial and under judgement of the fact you can be better and someone can help.

Think for a moment - Are you lets say the ‘Sachin Tendulkar’ of your chosen field or profession? Are you at that level?

The answer probably is ‘No’... Even if you were (which without a coach you cannot be), something to think about is that Sachin Tendulkar does not operate without a coach. Never has.

Get your ego down. Get a coach. if you get one, it doesn’t help the coach, it helps you. Provided you get the right one!

Here is how to do that.

- Ask for references ::

You met prospective coaches. Ask for real references and speak to them.

Most coaches you meet will not give you references of people they have coached. They might give you ‘HR’ references but not directly the people they coached.

Further, coaches will duck under the cover of saying that they have confidentiality agreements and so they cannot disclose.

This is complete BULLSHIT. This is most certainly the coach you do not want.

I have been coaching for the past decade. I have represented close to a hundred clients. NOT A SINGLE ONE ever asked for any confidentiality agreement of this nature. It’s not a practice and it does not and cannot exist.

So people who are unable to give references to you simply do not want to be found out. Thats your first give away.

When you do get references, here is what you need to ask them.

Firstly you don’t need to get into a SWOT analysis. The coach’s client will never be able to tell you weaknesses. They are not equipped to.

Focus on strengths. Thats all you got to work with.

Here are your questions for the references:

1- Did you see a breakthrough, personal or professional, with the coach post your first six sessions?

(if the answer is No, the check is over, six sessions or twelve hour is long enough in coaching to have created a breakthrough).

2- What did the coach do well to show you that breakthrough?

3- What therefore do you think is he or she likely to do for me in my specific situation?

4- What do I have to do in your opinion to get the benefit of his or her strengths?

5- Will you have your son or daughter be coached by this coach? Why? Why not?

the process and the curriculum

In the recent coaching forum, I happened to meet an ex-coach of the Indian Cricket Team.

He said that while he was the coach, 95% of his coaching time went into dealing with psychology and mind aspects of the player. Only for the new ones in the team did he have to focus on any cricket at all.

This is true for every coach.

You know more about your business than the coach and that will never change.

The coach who talks about helping you do your work better is not a coach for you. At least not 95% of the time.

Coach’s job is to help you clarify, understand, identify, maximize yourself, your goals, your potential and to enable you to act now. For this a good coach will work with ‘how you think’ more than ‘how you do’.

Understand from the coach, his or her, process and curriculum. Most coaches will tell you that the process is person centric, depends on the executive etc etc etc...

All of this is true. Though this is true for every product and service that exists on our planet. Yet (like in your company) there is a certain process or product that is modified to suit clients.

You must get an understanding of the coach’s process. Most coach’s will have a process or some sessions that they can share with you.

In actual practice, however, the great coaches will always be able to innovate to suit you.

- Certified Coach!!!

Now the most ill-conceived myth of coaching.

In reality Coaching Certification is worthless. It is pointless.

The certifications are awarded by private companies. It has no meaning. Anyone can start a coaching certification and it has little relevance.

Coaching Certification in my opinion is a CHEAP TRICK at best.

Yes knowledge is needed though largely new certifications are sought only as an ‘easy entry door’ to get some business going. It works too because people like you fall for it.

Certification has nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the quality of the coach.

Instead of a certified coach who has learnt a process created by someone else and cleared an exam - please look for ‘thought leadership’

I am not saying certified coaches are no good. Some of them are. I am simply suggesting that certification should not be your criteria. The best coaches don’t need a certificate. In fact they’ll never get one or seek one. No Jack Welsch, Peter Drucker, Gary Kisten or any other coach you may admire has a certificate to validate them. They have a body of work for that.

Thought Leadership

If there is one thing that will segregate the great from the good in coaching, it is thought leadership. What insights does this coach bring to the table. thought leadership doesn’t need you to launch some massive research on the person. There are certain give aways.

Is the person independently doing something of his or her own. Thats a sign of some though leadership. Generally speaking (though not a rule), people employed by an organization and coaching largely will be following a though leadership than creating one. That’s the case with certifications too!

Has the person written or published something.
Does the person do something unique - everyone might not have an inclination to write so does he or she alternatively express it in a different way - some unique form of training, some service, some initiative or some associations that suggest that he or she might have some emerging thought leadership.

Why is this important?

It’s very simple. “Unless I can think differently, I can’t help you do so.”

Past Experience

This is one more silly myth of coaching. Myth that people with credible past designations will make good coaches.

While in certain cases it may well be true but a myth nevertheless.

You see, ex-CEOs, ex HR Directors or whatever might be what you need. Having 20+ years of work experience is at most relevant only if it was in coaching. How is it relevant otherwise?

Please check on past experience BUT please check on past coaching experience. Everything else for your purpose is just packaging, not substance.

Also another reason why coaching experience is important is that most of our jobs whether it be CEOs, CFOs or HR Directors in the past entails ‘taking decisions’.. Coaching on the other hand is a job where you don’t take decisions, you empower and motivate others to take decisions and action.

This transition takes patience, experience and expertise. This transition can take a lifetime too.

Past experience is very relevant though only past coaching experience is.

Integrity

This probably should have been a lot higher in the list. By integrity am not going to write the cliche honesty, trust etc.

By integrity I mean the integrity towards the role of the coach.

Is the coach committed to help you see breakthroughs, no matter what it takes.

In the end it is a lot about desire to see you do well than anything else that makes a coach create that breakthrough.. It takes a lot of back-end time in introspecting, reading ,thinking, creating to be able to consistently generate breakthroughs for your situation. It’s not about the hour that one spends with you.

Is the coach committed to that process.

How will you find out?

You will discover this within a few sessions or months. However, there three ways to find out. I have already written about the first two

firstly, the last question mentioned in the references will tell you. The question to ask was Will you have your son or daughter be coached by this coach? Why? Why not?

secondly, look for thought leadership versus certification based leadership and you’ll know.

thirdly, check on the number of years the person spends with a client. Was it a one-off contract or did it extend beyond that to others in that organization?

A few more pointer before I sign off...

A person willing to coach large numbers (in bulk) in your organization will never do justice to the job.

A person willing to do very short term coaching (1-2 months) is not going to work. Thats not coaching. At best some form of consulting.

There will always be a coach-client that will not match. If a coach let’s say is coaching 5 people in your organization, and not reverting to you with one that will not work out - then there is something wrong. It’s not that he or she is a bad coach and that’s why things don’t work out. But it just doesn’t match at times.

A person divulging contents of a coaching conversation with someone else is a sure shot sign that you should look for another one.

A good coach, a great coach.... rather the right coach for you... can immensely help speed up things as well as lead you to a journey of leading a happier and a more fulfilling life...

Take care in selecting yours. Don’t be fooled by myths. Be sure.

Hope this will be of some help to you.

Sometimes none of this will help so the only way for you to help you will be to ‘dive-in’ and discover. Whats their to lose anyway...

yours,

Chetan Walia

To explore further with Chetan Walia or to engage coaching services, please write to chetan@leadership.in

How do you succeed?

Chetan Walia — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 14:43:41 GMT

How Do You Succeed? 

THINK! - About the beliefs you have picked up all along these years, right from the time you understood a language to now.

Parents, teachers, friends, colleagues and others you spend your time with - their wisdom, their thoughts and their beliefs are and has been the foundation of your values, your attitudes, your believes, your personality, and your achievement.

In a nutshell, parents and siblings, friends and colleagues, shape your self-esteem.

To a great extent you learn about success, about the concept of how much to achieve, what is enough or what will never be enough, mostly from parents and siblings.

For a long time I found lots of things that could have been better in terms of belief systems I was passed on.

Like it or not, their lessons (even the ones you hated), whether you rejected them or embraced them have been burnt into our brains and psyche. It guides our life. Unknowingly we all emulate.

For a long time I focused on ‘what could have been’… but then I learnt an amazing thing – I learned to filter the great from the good and the good from the not so good.

Once I understood the impact of this on our achievements, I realized how much we could self-destruct by focusing on what’s not there. The search into my lessons learnt from my parents and siblings led me to understand a few principles that shape success (at least mine)… I’ll lead you on, perhaps you’ll know what I mean or what I am desiring for you to do…

My mother told me over and over as a kid whenever there would be tears, "Get rough. Get tough!" And I have always followed that philosophy of, "Get back up, find another way and get on with it." My father was one of extreme logic, "The secret to deal with increased expenses: earn more money."

Many of my role models, my learning mates are alive, but I haven't met them. They're not necessarily role models for who they are. In most cases I don’t even know who they are or how they led their lives. Yet they are for what they do or rather from whatever I read what I interpreted it to be – the learning deciphered.

Sachin Tendulkar and Steve Jobs are at the top of the list. My close friends are up there too.

The articles (including the inspiration to write this one), books I write are almost always born out of these ideas and what I learned or sparked off from one of them.

I'm passing the condensed version of that wisdom on to you and hoping that you would endeavor to discover your own too..

There are many teachings that have inspired. Inspired in business, in writing and in living. Here are a few timeless ones’

· A way to life – Christpher Logue

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It's too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

and we pushed,

And they flew.

· Napolean Hill (attitude and goals)

Action is the real measure of intelligence.

· Groucho Marx (humor).

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

· A book I read in when I was 15. Don’t remember the book but made a note after reading it.

If you want to be free, then Live. If you simply want a life, then abide.

· Rig Veda (truth)

Desire links non being to being.

· My recent studies into the subject of self esteem

Self-esteem (the only determinant of achievement) is directly proportionate to integrity. Whenever you stand by your word, the self-esteem goes up. Whenever you falter on your word, self-esteem goes down. Truth. Period.

· Ayn Rand (writing style and philosophy).

Government "help" to business is just as disastrous as government persecution. The only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off.

· Dale Carnegie (making friends and public speaking).

You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

· Margaret Fuller (substance)

Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.

· Benjamin Franklin

Energy and Persistence conquer all things.

· Earl Pertnoy (life’s lessons)

Antennas up!

· Budha (wisdom)

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?

These people have passed on but their teachings are immense. It’s a whole belief system by itself. Beliefs are wonderful. Though actions produce results.

Figure out where your beliefs lie. Are they laying low in the ‘disempowering truths’ we all heard from our parents and teachers? There is an easy way to find out – Are you acting on what you really, truly would love to achieve or be, whatever that may be – in terms of health or wealth or ….. if the answer is a murmured ‘no’, then you know what beliefs rule over you.

Listen, pay attention, observe, study…. Do all of of what you do but figure out the beliefs that you go by and ACT…

‘Mindlessly work on what life has thrown at you’ was never my motto and never will be.

One life to live and it ain’t coming back is my truth, my motivation…

What’s yours?

Who teaches you?

Who inspires you?

Who helps you achieve?

Chetan Walia

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